Vegas Here E Comes

E is headed to Vegas for a week and is kind of excited about it. She's never been and doesn't really know what to expect. It will be part conference part fun and her sister is also going along on the trip. The only advice E has gotten for the trip is to be spontaneous. FD can attest to the fact that E is NOT spontaneous, she is orderly and likes things planned out. This will be a new adventure for her! One of E's friends told her E can be dirty fun and he meant it in a funny way. E isn't so sure about that. 

One thing E knows is that she is going to be on an adventure as a single gal in a busy and vibrant city. She is hoping to have lots of fun and hopefully stay out of trouble...any advice for this single girl, leave it below! 

Flavored of a single girl

I'm spending a few days at my parents before heading to Las Vegas for the first time next week. While I visit my home town I like to think about all of the changes that have taken place in the last 2 years. The biggest is that I quit my job on a whim (leap without looking--hope I don't bottom) and took a teaching position at an alternative school. Yes, I was happier being cussed at and called a "bitch" on a semi-regular basis. I learned lots at that job including the meaning of "trains" -don't ask, the fact that kids will treat you like "fam" if you treat them well, and that if you can dish it out as well as take it you will survive. I learned that was my first "flavor" that I had good inner strength and the will to make a difference. I had a bunch of inner city "hood rats" as the kids called themselves doing P90x and walking the mile with me outside. The ice cream truck almost always a managed to come by on our walks and the kids would but me ice cream...but at least we were exercising.

I also bought a house, a scary prospect in itself but doing it alone I think is even scarier. I don't have someone to help support me so figuring out how to handle it alone became my second flavor. My basement was damaged in a recent flood and my crazy washer has decided it hates life (4 spin cycles and it leaks) but I will deal with it.

The third flavor became accepting who I am and where I am in life. That's still a work in progress. I mean who's perfect?

There are a lot more flavors to me but as I flutter about solo I think I will be just fine.

Complete or incomplete?

Recently, I was asked by a co-worker what it would take to make my life complete. I didn't quite no how to respond, I mean my life complete enough as it is. I think they were getting at the "enough" part of my statement. Being single isn't a "state of being" its just a type of life style that a lot of people don't understand. Its like we are these species that don't fit into a mold when really we are living our lives to the best of our ability. So when my co-worker asked me how to be complete, I thought about the things on my wish list is different than FD's. Upon a lot of reflection and attending vespers and having to think about clarity and direction I would say: teacher, nurturer, mentor, mother, lover, compassionate, and empathetic. The list isn't exhaustive and its not all inclusive. That being said I know what I want--I don't know how I'll get there but sometimes I think of the Trace Adkins' Song "You're Gonna Miss This." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU) I know that as my life changes, I will miss being a single 30 something. In the mean time I wouldn't say my life is incomplete but really a work in progress--hey, it might be messy but at least I'm trying. I have a sense of completeness because of the things I do the relationships I have and the effort I've made with others.

Who do you notice?

The picture posted kind of explains the journey for so many singletons. It's not that we are "alone" but rather people our age are getting married, in serious relationships, and/or have kids. I've for my first wedding in a year, FD has 6 of them coming, this week. I'm happy to go to the nuptials and support my friend. I'm not looking forward to it from the going alone and the comments that at sure to ensue.

Fluttering solo means figuring things out on your own. I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off so that means that at major decisions I'm making alone. Super easy when it comes to what to watch on tv...football or hgtv, yep extreme opposites. Who doesn't like "House Hunters?" Harder when making big decisions like on finances, family stuff, home repairs, etc...not looking for sympathy just stating reality.

Cuddling...with a man pillow

So "e" clearly found this on some Pinterest board. It kind of fits the idea of filling the void and as mentioned E really likes to cuddle. Why not cuddle with an inanimate object like a man shaped pillow?

E was hanging out with a few peeps not that long ago when one of them brought up the idea of needing a partner to be successful and have kids. First, kids and success are two different things but you get the idea. You don't need a partner to do either. It's frustrating that society has decided to some extent that women are only "good enough" if we get married and pop out babies. Maybe this seems extreme but let's think about a few of them that have pushed this point of view lately. One idiot and yes, he's a idiot, said women can't have it all. Men can. Women lose perspective the minute the baby touches her bosom. So a women's nipple defines her future? That's just stupid. The pillow may be the better option after all...

Little Black Sheep

I've spent most of my life as the black sheep in my family, ironic and slightly fitting as the Farmer's Daughter. But as I've gotten older, grown closer with some family members, and drifted farther from others, I've realized that being that little black sheep isn't a bad thing. At least I'm true to my status. 

E and I have shared several laughs over the years of our black sheep status, because if you don't laugh, you'll just cry. Incredibly, while we hold the black sheep status, the white sheep aren't as white as they pretend to be.  E's family has their fair share of crazy, and mine, well I'm pretty sure they have an underground garage of crazy! 

It started with my being too independent, too stubborn, and having too good of a head on my shoulders. I never realized those were bad traits. But the real kicker seems to be that I'm 28 and still single.  The horror!  I was informed one Christmas by a cousin, who by the way is working on wedding number 2, that I need to find a man so I'm no longer a disgrace to the family, I'll get right on that.

~FD

 

A lifetime love

Both E and I have been raised to be pretty strong, independent, resilient women, but sometimes that's just not enough.  Sometimes life still hands us a lesson that knocks us down and it's hard to get back up from.  A long time ago I fell in love with a guy, not just any guy, but my lifetime best friend's brother.  And not just any love, a lifetime love. Nothing was said, and life took us in different directions, for me a few college degrees and a career, for him college, career and a family.  Watching him walk down the aisle with someone other than myself was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, or so I thought at the time. 

Fast forward ten years, he's divorced and I'm thanking my lucky stars for my second chance, but I always seem to forget, life never really works that way.  For the first time in my life I truly opened up to someone and told them how I feel, trusted them with my feelings, desires, and my love.  E can attest, that was a GIANT step for this Farmer's Daughter.  I guess we have too much history, or something, and he thinks we won't work, he quit us, before there was even an us to quit.  Queue the hardest hurdle, how does one get over a lifetime love? Realizing that the one person you thought you couldn't live without, wants to live without you is gut wrenching. 

Back to fluttering solo, attempting to pick up the pieces, and stumbling my way through this crazy journey called life.  

~FD