A Big Decision

You know the song, "Its been a long time..." well that kind of describes how long its been since either of us have published. You would think that with E and FD living back in the Midwest and working in the same town with FD's goal to move to E's town we'd find the time to post. That hasn't been the case--life has been happening at a rapid rate with lots of stuff just falling into place. FD took a new job, moved home, and within a few months of new job was given a promotion. Now she's trying to find a place to rent--a pain to do when you have a dog, and the recent natural disaster in a close location hasn't helped her cause. Everything has seemed to fall into place so she's hoping this will as well.

E made the decision to start the journey to mommydom....and no there's not a guy in the picture. She's learned that maybe she's not meant to be with someone, at least right now. Online dating, meeting people through mutual friends/acquaintances, and even dating someone from her hometown (all in the space of the year) has yet again failed. E has prayed, talked to people, and researched the steps to take. She goes for her first consultation next week.

Two people, two big decisions--here's hoping 2014 is the year of BIG--and in good ways!

A "Solo Date"

E is going on a date tonight. By herself. She's going to see "White House Down" and stare at Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx at the 10:45 show. E doesn't have a ton of close personal friends in the town where she lives--which is totally okay, but that said she's not dating anyone either so she made the decision to go see a movie alone. A few of E's not close peeps on FB don't understand why she wants to go alone--isn't that hard when people stare? is the main question asked. E thinks, well I don't think anyone really stares at me or cares that I'm by myself, but okay. So here's to a "solo date" and some yummy Channing Tatum :)

Contingency Plans

Hey there,

So I (E) made the decision to go ahead and buy a few books about parenting. I know that I'm single and that I'm not quite ready to be a mom yet--but as I flutter along on this path to life, I'm quickly finding that I still want to be a parent. IT isn't just selfish motivation but given the experiences that I've had, I know that I can be a good mom and a good nurturer. 

My parents and sibling are in full support, as is FD and I do have a support system in the town where I live. My mom actually bought me a "baby name book" at a garage sale recently. I looked at her and said, "Mom, I'm not quite at that point yet." She said "E, I was thinking for your foster dogs but you can hold onto it for a few years if you want to." I'm using the baby book for naming my foster dogs :) and maybe I will use it for my future child as well. 

Life has a funny way of changing our plans, I thought I'd already be married with a kid or two by now but that's not how my life has panned out. I'm going to make plans to go it alone and then maybe I'll meet someone but either way a contingency plan, isn't a bad idea. 

What are you hiding?

FD and E had a short conversation today about making plans for the 4th...clearly they live in different states so they were separate plans. E said both of the people she does things with on occasion will be out of town and her sister is working. When E suggested that she might go visit her parents E's sister got upset (even though she's working). She asked E, "well what about your guy friend?" E responded, "that's not how that thing works." So E is spending another holiday (woo hoo its the 4th) alone. 

Some people equate being busy with having a social life--E is SUPER guilty of this and FD admitted she does it too. E's take on being busy is that "busyness hides loneliness" which she is prob guilty of more than many people. See, E technically works 4 jobs, coaches, volunteers, does the church thing, volunteers some more, and is in a couple of clubs and on a committee at work--its called the state of being an overachiever. E has always been kind of (okay a lot of) a loner. "Flowers on the Wall" (the song)probably is fitting at times--not that she smokes cigarettes or really talks to herself. E is what is known as an extroverted introvert or the most complicated personality type there is--GO E! Which means she constantly feels like she is "on" but is always being judged and walks on eggshells. E can only take so much of people and she needs time away to recharge--like lots of time. Being an introvert is complicated in itself because this world isn't kind to the introverts. It is set up for extroverts. E likes to be behind the scenes out of sight so that she can avoid people, emotions, and other parts of life. She stays busy but often finds that she is very lonely even amongst a crowd. Which is probably why E is single and has a hard time overcoming it.  

What's the solution? Don't know. Maybe it is just accepting one's self.  Maybe it is being forced outside the comfort zone, either way it is a challenge E faces. 

Complete or incomplete?

Recently, I was asked by a co-worker what it would take to make my life complete. I didn't quite no how to respond, I mean my life complete enough as it is. I think they were getting at the "enough" part of my statement. Being single isn't a "state of being" its just a type of life style that a lot of people don't understand. Its like we are these species that don't fit into a mold when really we are living our lives to the best of our ability. So when my co-worker asked me how to be complete, I thought about the things on my wish list is different than FD's. Upon a lot of reflection and attending vespers and having to think about clarity and direction I would say: teacher, nurturer, mentor, mother, lover, compassionate, and empathetic. The list isn't exhaustive and its not all inclusive. That being said I know what I want--I don't know how I'll get there but sometimes I think of the Trace Adkins' Song "You're Gonna Miss This." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU) I know that as my life changes, I will miss being a single 30 something. In the mean time I wouldn't say my life is incomplete but really a work in progress--hey, it might be messy but at least I'm trying. I have a sense of completeness because of the things I do the relationships I have and the effort I've made with others.

Cuddling...with a man pillow

So "e" clearly found this on some Pinterest board. It kind of fits the idea of filling the void and as mentioned E really likes to cuddle. Why not cuddle with an inanimate object like a man shaped pillow?

E was hanging out with a few peeps not that long ago when one of them brought up the idea of needing a partner to be successful and have kids. First, kids and success are two different things but you get the idea. You don't need a partner to do either. It's frustrating that society has decided to some extent that women are only "good enough" if we get married and pop out babies. Maybe this seems extreme but let's think about a few of them that have pushed this point of view lately. One idiot and yes, he's a idiot, said women can't have it all. Men can. Women lose perspective the minute the baby touches her bosom. So a women's nipple defines her future? That's just stupid. The pillow may be the better option after all...