Baby Name Book

So FD and I have been busy--FD with the job hunt business and me with life in general but I had a good story that's funny for the single non-parents out there.

I was out garage sailing with mom (yes we sail from place to place) when she picked up a baby name book. She told me I should buy it, I kind of looked at it like what the heck? I said, "well I mean I know I'm probably doing the single mom by choice thing but that's a few years out yet." She said, "E, I meant for your foster dogs, you always say you need help with names." I thought yeah, that's true. So in preparation of a future mythical child I now have a baby book with 25,000 names that I'm using for my foster dogs in the mean time.

A "Solo Date"

E is going on a date tonight. By herself. She's going to see "White House Down" and stare at Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx at the 10:45 show. E doesn't have a ton of close personal friends in the town where she lives--which is totally okay, but that said she's not dating anyone either so she made the decision to go see a movie alone. A few of E's not close peeps on FB don't understand why she wants to go alone--isn't that hard when people stare? is the main question asked. E thinks, well I don't think anyone really stares at me or cares that I'm by myself, but okay. So here's to a "solo date" and some yummy Channing Tatum :)

Contingency Plans

Hey there,

So I (E) made the decision to go ahead and buy a few books about parenting. I know that I'm single and that I'm not quite ready to be a mom yet--but as I flutter along on this path to life, I'm quickly finding that I still want to be a parent. IT isn't just selfish motivation but given the experiences that I've had, I know that I can be a good mom and a good nurturer. 

My parents and sibling are in full support, as is FD and I do have a support system in the town where I live. My mom actually bought me a "baby name book" at a garage sale recently. I looked at her and said, "Mom, I'm not quite at that point yet." She said "E, I was thinking for your foster dogs but you can hold onto it for a few years if you want to." I'm using the baby book for naming my foster dogs :) and maybe I will use it for my future child as well. 

Life has a funny way of changing our plans, I thought I'd already be married with a kid or two by now but that's not how my life has panned out. I'm going to make plans to go it alone and then maybe I'll meet someone but either way a contingency plan, isn't a bad idea. 

What are you hiding?

FD and E had a short conversation today about making plans for the 4th...clearly they live in different states so they were separate plans. E said both of the people she does things with on occasion will be out of town and her sister is working. When E suggested that she might go visit her parents E's sister got upset (even though she's working). She asked E, "well what about your guy friend?" E responded, "that's not how that thing works." So E is spending another holiday (woo hoo its the 4th) alone. 

Some people equate being busy with having a social life--E is SUPER guilty of this and FD admitted she does it too. E's take on being busy is that "busyness hides loneliness" which she is prob guilty of more than many people. See, E technically works 4 jobs, coaches, volunteers, does the church thing, volunteers some more, and is in a couple of clubs and on a committee at work--its called the state of being an overachiever. E has always been kind of (okay a lot of) a loner. "Flowers on the Wall" (the song)probably is fitting at times--not that she smokes cigarettes or really talks to herself. E is what is known as an extroverted introvert or the most complicated personality type there is--GO E! Which means she constantly feels like she is "on" but is always being judged and walks on eggshells. E can only take so much of people and she needs time away to recharge--like lots of time. Being an introvert is complicated in itself because this world isn't kind to the introverts. It is set up for extroverts. E likes to be behind the scenes out of sight so that she can avoid people, emotions, and other parts of life. She stays busy but often finds that she is very lonely even amongst a crowd. Which is probably why E is single and has a hard time overcoming it.  

What's the solution? Don't know. Maybe it is just accepting one's self.  Maybe it is being forced outside the comfort zone, either way it is a challenge E faces. 

Vegas Here E Comes

E is headed to Vegas for a week and is kind of excited about it. She's never been and doesn't really know what to expect. It will be part conference part fun and her sister is also going along on the trip. The only advice E has gotten for the trip is to be spontaneous. FD can attest to the fact that E is NOT spontaneous, she is orderly and likes things planned out. This will be a new adventure for her! One of E's friends told her E can be dirty fun and he meant it in a funny way. E isn't so sure about that. 

One thing E knows is that she is going to be on an adventure as a single gal in a busy and vibrant city. She is hoping to have lots of fun and hopefully stay out of trouble...any advice for this single girl, leave it below! 

Flavored of a single girl

I'm spending a few days at my parents before heading to Las Vegas for the first time next week. While I visit my home town I like to think about all of the changes that have taken place in the last 2 years. The biggest is that I quit my job on a whim (leap without looking--hope I don't bottom) and took a teaching position at an alternative school. Yes, I was happier being cussed at and called a "bitch" on a semi-regular basis. I learned lots at that job including the meaning of "trains" -don't ask, the fact that kids will treat you like "fam" if you treat them well, and that if you can dish it out as well as take it you will survive. I learned that was my first "flavor" that I had good inner strength and the will to make a difference. I had a bunch of inner city "hood rats" as the kids called themselves doing P90x and walking the mile with me outside. The ice cream truck almost always a managed to come by on our walks and the kids would but me ice cream...but at least we were exercising.

I also bought a house, a scary prospect in itself but doing it alone I think is even scarier. I don't have someone to help support me so figuring out how to handle it alone became my second flavor. My basement was damaged in a recent flood and my crazy washer has decided it hates life (4 spin cycles and it leaks) but I will deal with it.

The third flavor became accepting who I am and where I am in life. That's still a work in progress. I mean who's perfect?

There are a lot more flavors to me but as I flutter about solo I think I will be just fine.

Complete or incomplete?

Recently, I was asked by a co-worker what it would take to make my life complete. I didn't quite no how to respond, I mean my life complete enough as it is. I think they were getting at the "enough" part of my statement. Being single isn't a "state of being" its just a type of life style that a lot of people don't understand. Its like we are these species that don't fit into a mold when really we are living our lives to the best of our ability. So when my co-worker asked me how to be complete, I thought about the things on my wish list is different than FD's. Upon a lot of reflection and attending vespers and having to think about clarity and direction I would say: teacher, nurturer, mentor, mother, lover, compassionate, and empathetic. The list isn't exhaustive and its not all inclusive. That being said I know what I want--I don't know how I'll get there but sometimes I think of the Trace Adkins' Song "You're Gonna Miss This." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU) I know that as my life changes, I will miss being a single 30 something. In the mean time I wouldn't say my life is incomplete but really a work in progress--hey, it might be messy but at least I'm trying. I have a sense of completeness because of the things I do the relationships I have and the effort I've made with others.