A Big Decision

You know the song, "Its been a long time..." well that kind of describes how long its been since either of us have published. You would think that with E and FD living back in the Midwest and working in the same town with FD's goal to move to E's town we'd find the time to post. That hasn't been the case--life has been happening at a rapid rate with lots of stuff just falling into place. FD took a new job, moved home, and within a few months of new job was given a promotion. Now she's trying to find a place to rent--a pain to do when you have a dog, and the recent natural disaster in a close location hasn't helped her cause. Everything has seemed to fall into place so she's hoping this will as well.

E made the decision to start the journey to mommydom....and no there's not a guy in the picture. She's learned that maybe she's not meant to be with someone, at least right now. Online dating, meeting people through mutual friends/acquaintances, and even dating someone from her hometown (all in the space of the year) has yet again failed. E has prayed, talked to people, and researched the steps to take. She goes for her first consultation next week.

Two people, two big decisions--here's hoping 2014 is the year of BIG--and in good ways!

We haven't posted in a long time--life's been happening in a lot of different ways. Tonight I, "E" feel the need to write so here it goes:

In a fit of self-relfection, I'm discovering very quickly that I don't like myself. I don't like who I've become, how people react to me, and how I respond to others. I feel like I just make mistake  after mistake and then don't do a good job of "fixing it" Instead I get stuck in a rut, I'm currently in the rut of of "whys" and that is frustring. Sometimes you think things are going well but then you learn that life is complicated and really messy. In my case, I often find that I'm negative and that I just piss people off. It is a horrible feeling to know that no matter how great things are going ultimately I will fuck it up and be stuck in a rut. Stuck is the recurring theme here and its where I'm at tonight. 

Prayers and positive thought are appreciated. 

Baby Name Book

So FD and I have been busy--FD with the job hunt business and me with life in general but I had a good story that's funny for the single non-parents out there.

I was out garage sailing with mom (yes we sail from place to place) when she picked up a baby name book. She told me I should buy it, I kind of looked at it like what the heck? I said, "well I mean I know I'm probably doing the single mom by choice thing but that's a few years out yet." She said, "E, I meant for your foster dogs, you always say you need help with names." I thought yeah, that's true. So in preparation of a future mythical child I now have a baby book with 25,000 names that I'm using for my foster dogs in the mean time.

A "Solo Date"

E is going on a date tonight. By herself. She's going to see "White House Down" and stare at Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx at the 10:45 show. E doesn't have a ton of close personal friends in the town where she lives--which is totally okay, but that said she's not dating anyone either so she made the decision to go see a movie alone. A few of E's not close peeps on FB don't understand why she wants to go alone--isn't that hard when people stare? is the main question asked. E thinks, well I don't think anyone really stares at me or cares that I'm by myself, but okay. So here's to a "solo date" and some yummy Channing Tatum :)

Contingency Plans

Hey there,

So I (E) made the decision to go ahead and buy a few books about parenting. I know that I'm single and that I'm not quite ready to be a mom yet--but as I flutter along on this path to life, I'm quickly finding that I still want to be a parent. IT isn't just selfish motivation but given the experiences that I've had, I know that I can be a good mom and a good nurturer. 

My parents and sibling are in full support, as is FD and I do have a support system in the town where I live. My mom actually bought me a "baby name book" at a garage sale recently. I looked at her and said, "Mom, I'm not quite at that point yet." She said "E, I was thinking for your foster dogs but you can hold onto it for a few years if you want to." I'm using the baby book for naming my foster dogs :) and maybe I will use it for my future child as well. 

Life has a funny way of changing our plans, I thought I'd already be married with a kid or two by now but that's not how my life has panned out. I'm going to make plans to go it alone and then maybe I'll meet someone but either way a contingency plan, isn't a bad idea. 

What are you hiding?

FD and E had a short conversation today about making plans for the 4th...clearly they live in different states so they were separate plans. E said both of the people she does things with on occasion will be out of town and her sister is working. When E suggested that she might go visit her parents E's sister got upset (even though she's working). She asked E, "well what about your guy friend?" E responded, "that's not how that thing works." So E is spending another holiday (woo hoo its the 4th) alone. 

Some people equate being busy with having a social life--E is SUPER guilty of this and FD admitted she does it too. E's take on being busy is that "busyness hides loneliness" which she is prob guilty of more than many people. See, E technically works 4 jobs, coaches, volunteers, does the church thing, volunteers some more, and is in a couple of clubs and on a committee at work--its called the state of being an overachiever. E has always been kind of (okay a lot of) a loner. "Flowers on the Wall" (the song)probably is fitting at times--not that she smokes cigarettes or really talks to herself. E is what is known as an extroverted introvert or the most complicated personality type there is--GO E! Which means she constantly feels like she is "on" but is always being judged and walks on eggshells. E can only take so much of people and she needs time away to recharge--like lots of time. Being an introvert is complicated in itself because this world isn't kind to the introverts. It is set up for extroverts. E likes to be behind the scenes out of sight so that she can avoid people, emotions, and other parts of life. She stays busy but often finds that she is very lonely even amongst a crowd. Which is probably why E is single and has a hard time overcoming it.  

What's the solution? Don't know. Maybe it is just accepting one's self.  Maybe it is being forced outside the comfort zone, either way it is a challenge E faces. 

Vegas Here E Comes

E is headed to Vegas for a week and is kind of excited about it. She's never been and doesn't really know what to expect. It will be part conference part fun and her sister is also going along on the trip. The only advice E has gotten for the trip is to be spontaneous. FD can attest to the fact that E is NOT spontaneous, she is orderly and likes things planned out. This will be a new adventure for her! One of E's friends told her E can be dirty fun and he meant it in a funny way. E isn't so sure about that. 

One thing E knows is that she is going to be on an adventure as a single gal in a busy and vibrant city. She is hoping to have lots of fun and hopefully stay out of trouble...any advice for this single girl, leave it below!