We haven't posted in a long time--life's been happening in a lot of different ways. Tonight I, "E" feel the need to write so here it goes:

In a fit of self-relfection, I'm discovering very quickly that I don't like myself. I don't like who I've become, how people react to me, and how I respond to others. I feel like I just make mistake  after mistake and then don't do a good job of "fixing it" Instead I get stuck in a rut, I'm currently in the rut of of "whys" and that is frustring. Sometimes you think things are going well but then you learn that life is complicated and really messy. In my case, I often find that I'm negative and that I just piss people off. It is a horrible feeling to know that no matter how great things are going ultimately I will fuck it up and be stuck in a rut. Stuck is the recurring theme here and its where I'm at tonight. 

Prayers and positive thought are appreciated.