A "Solo Date"

E is going on a date tonight. By herself. She's going to see "White House Down" and stare at Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx at the 10:45 show. E doesn't have a ton of close personal friends in the town where she lives--which is totally okay, but that said she's not dating anyone either so she made the decision to go see a movie alone. A few of E's not close peeps on FB don't understand why she wants to go alone--isn't that hard when people stare? is the main question asked. E thinks, well I don't think anyone really stares at me or cares that I'm by myself, but okay. So here's to a "solo date" and some yummy Channing Tatum :)

Contingency Plans

Hey there,

So I (E) made the decision to go ahead and buy a few books about parenting. I know that I'm single and that I'm not quite ready to be a mom yet--but as I flutter along on this path to life, I'm quickly finding that I still want to be a parent. IT isn't just selfish motivation but given the experiences that I've had, I know that I can be a good mom and a good nurturer. 

My parents and sibling are in full support, as is FD and I do have a support system in the town where I live. My mom actually bought me a "baby name book" at a garage sale recently. I looked at her and said, "Mom, I'm not quite at that point yet." She said "E, I was thinking for your foster dogs but you can hold onto it for a few years if you want to." I'm using the baby book for naming my foster dogs :) and maybe I will use it for my future child as well. 

Life has a funny way of changing our plans, I thought I'd already be married with a kid or two by now but that's not how my life has panned out. I'm going to make plans to go it alone and then maybe I'll meet someone but either way a contingency plan, isn't a bad idea. 

What are you hiding?

FD and E had a short conversation today about making plans for the 4th...clearly they live in different states so they were separate plans. E said both of the people she does things with on occasion will be out of town and her sister is working. When E suggested that she might go visit her parents E's sister got upset (even though she's working). She asked E, "well what about your guy friend?" E responded, "that's not how that thing works." So E is spending another holiday (woo hoo its the 4th) alone. 

Some people equate being busy with having a social life--E is SUPER guilty of this and FD admitted she does it too. E's take on being busy is that "busyness hides loneliness" which she is prob guilty of more than many people. See, E technically works 4 jobs, coaches, volunteers, does the church thing, volunteers some more, and is in a couple of clubs and on a committee at work--its called the state of being an overachiever. E has always been kind of (okay a lot of) a loner. "Flowers on the Wall" (the song)probably is fitting at times--not that she smokes cigarettes or really talks to herself. E is what is known as an extroverted introvert or the most complicated personality type there is--GO E! Which means she constantly feels like she is "on" but is always being judged and walks on eggshells. E can only take so much of people and she needs time away to recharge--like lots of time. Being an introvert is complicated in itself because this world isn't kind to the introverts. It is set up for extroverts. E likes to be behind the scenes out of sight so that she can avoid people, emotions, and other parts of life. She stays busy but often finds that she is very lonely even amongst a crowd. Which is probably why E is single and has a hard time overcoming it.  

What's the solution? Don't know. Maybe it is just accepting one's self.  Maybe it is being forced outside the comfort zone, either way it is a challenge E faces.